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Hey you!
The first time it happened to me I was in my teens, and it just seemed like an incongruous error. Certainly, I was too young to be called “ma’am”. I have felt this way ever since despite the passage of time. I remember how my mother would recoil any time someone called her “ma’am”, and I have inherited that same instinct. I understand that “ma’am” is a polite way to address a woman regardless of her age, but where I come from, it’s more customary to say, “hey you” and that just feels so much less insulting. When I moved to Baltimore, I had to get used to children calling me “Miss Tracy” and to well-meaning strangers saying such harsh things as “hello, ma’am”. I cringe every time. Occasionally, someone will say, “excuse me, miss” and I have to restrain myself from hugging them. Whenever someone calls me “ma’am”, no matter how respectfully or innocently, I mutter under my breath, “who are you calling ma’am?!” One day, I was strolling through a very crowded Belvedere Square market. I leisurely went from stall to stall as I decided what I wanted. Long lines started to form, but I wasn’t worried. As I walked through the gaggle of people, a man bumped into me head-on. Unlike me, he was clearly in a big hurry. “Excuse me, sir,” he said before dashing away. He was already out of earshot when I mumbled, “Who are you calling “sir”?!” As it turns out, I also hate being called “sir”.
Stay safe and healthy,
Tracy Jacobs
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